random thoughts.

i see i have been regularly updating! but i wonder if my "readers" are visiting.
my laptop's kinda hot now.


i should be doing studio and design seminar now, but i just can't concentrate.

i wonder if i should be a politician. or go study to be a counsellor. er. however you spell it.
sometimes i feel like other people don't understand me at all. they don't try to. or they pretend to. i don't mind if others do not understand. but don't just throw me aside without trying. it feels so.. dejected. that no one understands you.

sometimes i tend to be rather crazy and random. that's how i get friendly with people. that is how i bond and communicate with people. i am random. i can just suddenly ask you something, or tell you something. that's the way i am. i just wanted someone to at least know how i am.
i doubt anyone does, actually. no one. at all.

i don't know these feelings come from listening to PLEDGE for 1 or 2 weeks. or i just feel so overwhelmed lately, or just monthly's coming.

feelings that i just cannot put into words.
things i want to do but no one knows.
trying to be myself but no one understands.
i don't know where i stand.

i want to do my best for this last semester. while at the same time, doing all those things i'm right now aiming to do. because that makes me, me.



to draw, to sing, to play

i'm someone who cannot live without love. its okay if i'm not good with my family. because i feel that they have already abandoned me. i don't feel connected anymore. i only feel connected to myself. like this is my universe. this is where i stand.
for now, i feel like i can forsake love. i don't need it. i can still live without it. i'll just do my things, aim for the highest. and then come about love later.
one day. when i can find just that person, who is everything like everyone i adore. this kinda thing. and then i will think about it. for now, i don't want to think anymore. its going out of my mind.


i'm hoping for things to go well. because i really want to do this.
aiming for things, making them happen. because i really want to.

from then on, no more doubts.
i'm just going to go forward.
even if there're difficulties. people just want to give me trouble. i'll just .. deal with them, and then move forward. i don't want to waste time anymore.


i used to tell people i want to get married before i turn 25. somehow i feel that this may not be coming true. but i guess it may just .. be fine? i cannot imagine it though. anyway, who knows what will happen? that is why, i'm just going to step forward. and not be brought down.





okay.